Tag Archives: Friendship

Friendzoning: Just for Guys?

Twice today on the Internet, I’ve seen articles about friendzoning, especially in the case of men. One of the articles was a follow-up to a recent interview with one Mr. Harry James Potter (Daniel Radcliffe):

Friendzoning is a terrible thing. The idea of a friend zone is like a terrible, male…have you ever heard a girl say she’s in the friend zone?

Well, Daniel, I can say from personal experience that, yes, I have been. Numerous times, actually. Most of the cases are centered around unattainable guys or guys who are out of my league. But there was once a time when the cards were in my favor, or so I thought: I had a close friend who could have easily been mistaken for a brother or a cousin because of how much we were alike. But what he didn’t know is that I was in love with him. I would send him gifts for his birthday and Christmas in addition to all my long-distance friends, but, oddly enough, he was the only guy in the circle for whom I shopped.

I did eventually get his attention, and he invited me to his hometown for a week. He treated me to many outings, showed signs that he was interested whenever I caught him looking at me, and… well, I’ll let you fill in the blanks yourself. And just as I was about done with my house of cards, he met someone whom he would later marry a few years later. He finally came clean as to when exactly he was getting married, and I told him the truth then. Needless to say, we both sucker-punched each other: he hadn’t realized I was seeing him as much more than just a friend, and I was never in the running for a committed, long-term relationship with him.

The house of cards came crashing down hard that day, and I’ve never been able to pick the pieces back up since. Usually, when guys friendzone me, it’s because they see me as the girl next door. Sometimes, it’s the fact that I act like I’m one of the guys, and they feel weird about going beyond being friends with me. And more often than not, the “girl-friendzone” doesn’t last long, as guys have the tendency to just drop the friendship completely and run far, far away. Don’t ask me why, but it just seems to be the natural reaction to the male mind.

On the other hand if a good-hearted guy friendzone you and you haven’t done anything of the sexual or romantic nature, it’s a better (not bitter!) pill to swallow. You can be just friends, providing that the two of you make some sort of agreement to keep your friendship on a platonic level. One of my old college buddies and I stay in contact via Facebook. He’s not part of my inner circle, mind you, but I did have somewhat of a crush on him. Alas, he, too, got married, but I wasn’t as hurt with him as I was with the one above. We never went on dates, but we got to know each other pretty well. Even if he was to divorce his wife, I still wouldn’t cross the line and ruin our friendship. And to be honest, him friendzoning me was probably the best for both of us. He’s almost like the older brother I never had.

So, no, Daniel, friendzoning shouldn’t be all about the guys. Women go through it too. And it’s not the fact that we get upset because we (excuse me for my lewdness) don’t get laid. It’s the fact that we don’t get the romance, the commitment, and the fidelity that comes the sex. The guy thinks he got friendzoned because the girl doesn’t want to sleep with him. For the girl who’s been in my shoes or similar ones, it’s the complete opposite: the guy doesn’t want more than just sex. He’ll lure you in, and you’ll do favors for all kinds for him until you come forward and pour out your heart and soul to him. And men say we’re manipulative.

I’ll let you ladies laugh at that thought.